After experiencing a major breakthrough with the help of Dave and Kim Oliver, they encouraged me to engage with God through prophetic writing. Here is what I felt the Father saying.

"I have always been with you from the very start; from the first time you felt rejected, insecure, all alone, unloved, under attack, frightened and worthless. I accepted you as you were, loved you, wanted to protect you, to banish your fears, and to assure you of your great worth – that of the blood of my own dear Son." 

"I wept for you, shared your pain – actually made sure it didn't damage you beyond repair – and I so longed to scoop you up into my arms, hold you close and calm you to restful sleep. And when you awoke, to look deeply into your eyes, with an adoring smile and establish my peace within your heart."

"Now I want you to do this for your childhood self and become truly united with him. Accept him; stop beating yourself up, for in doing so you are beating him up as well. Empathise with him. He didn't deserve the psychological and emotional trauma he was subjected to. Forsake the opinion of him that your father held during those tender years, for you adopted it and still hold on to it." 

"Love him deeply with a godly father's love and you will begin to love yourself. Forsake independence. Embrace total dependence on me. Trust me to meet all your needs and you will begin to feel all you long to feel: total peace with me and confident assurance that you are loved and will be with me throughout eternity." 

(I had done this with Dave and Kim and I did it again spontaneously the following morning with tears. Now I feel at one with my childhood self. Now I can truly love myself in a wholesome way. The wounded part of my heart was suppressed in childhood. God has now healed this rejected part and united it to my adult heart making it one. This process was spiritual not intellectual so I shouldn't try to analyse it.) Sarah Young writes: "Trust is not a natural response, especially for those who have been deeply wounded. It is a supernatural endeavour."  

"Why have you not been able to "feel my peace"? Because you have not truly loved the child you were; how could you, when you believed your father's words to be true and his treatment of you to be deserved? Go and look at your picture in the hall. Look into his 6 year old eyes. See the frown, the insecurity and uncertainly and tell him how much you love him and how you would have treated him, had you been his father."

(When I did this I wept floods of tears and was overwhelmed with a deep love for him. I had only put this picture up to demonstrate to others the truth about how I was treated. I didn't feel they understood or believed me. But I understand fully all he went through and could truly comfort him.) 

Dave: "That's a mega breakthrough for you in being free Tony. How gentle and caring Father God is to you and the immense love He shows you." Kim: "I read your prophetic writing through tears of joy. How precious is the Father's love for you! What a gift that you are now able to accept His peace and His acceptance!"